Out Of Control
Lately I have been feeling 'OUT OF CONTROL', but not in the way you may think.
As a mother, I realized pretty quickly, instantly actually, how I never knew WORRY until I became a mother. Combine that with the newness of motherhood, being over-tired & hormonally emotional for at least 9 months... & needless to say, one can easily feel "out of control" in a way, right?
However, the 'out of control' I am speaking of is a little different than that. So far so much about motherhood, even when we were on the journey of getting pregnant, has been a constant reminder that 'nothing is in my control'. Then we were blessed beyond measure with our precious baby boy, and the irony was that all I wanted is CONTROL!!! The Mama Bear in me came out a thousand-times fold.
On top of that, I grew increasingly sensitive to media & hearing sad stories literally would leave me engulfed in tears in a nano-second. It was like my heart grew to an indescribable length when our son entered our world, that it also left itself SO open that it became a bit too vulnerable to the world. I started realizing how much Facebook was affecting me when the posts weren't positive, happy or inspiring, & I didn't like how quickly an internet platform could alter my mood in the most drastic of ways in mere seconds at times.

As a mother, I realized pretty quickly, instantly actually, how I never knew WORRY until I became a mother. Combine that with the newness of motherhood, being over-tired & hormonally emotional for at least 9 months... & needless to say, one can easily feel "out of control" in a way, right?
However, the 'out of control' I am speaking of is a little different than that. So far so much about motherhood, even when we were on the journey of getting pregnant, has been a constant reminder that 'nothing is in my control'. Then we were blessed beyond measure with our precious baby boy, and the irony was that all I wanted is CONTROL!!! The Mama Bear in me came out a thousand-times fold.
On top of that, I grew increasingly sensitive to media & hearing sad stories literally would leave me engulfed in tears in a nano-second. It was like my heart grew to an indescribable length when our son entered our world, that it also left itself SO open that it became a bit too vulnerable to the world. I started realizing how much Facebook was affecting me when the posts weren't positive, happy or inspiring, & I didn't like how quickly an internet platform could alter my mood in the most drastic of ways in mere seconds at times.

I ended up giving Facebook a 30 day break and it was FANTASTIC! I actually went over the initial "30 days" without even realizing it. I would only post on my FB business page where I could protect myself from viewing something I didn't want to see, yet still allow my heart to share what it wanted to both professionally & personally.
During my 30 day FB break, I noticed I felt more FREE.
I spent less time in front of a screen & more in nature. I felt clear & refreshed. I didn't compare myself as a mother, a friend... a human being! I worried less & felt calmer.
...and the truth is I haven't really wanted to go back. I didn't miss it. Not even on day one!
There seems to be a pattern where I can't go more than 3 scrolls down before I see something that is either upsetting/sad/disheartening/shocking camouflaged in between all the GOOD. Yet it seems that the BAD somehow strikes more -- or at least if I allow it, too. And don't let me even start with the election -- I literally just couldn't go on FB for weeks. It was/is all just TOO MUCH.
So here's the deal. Here's why I feel "OUT OF CONTROL" --- there is a pull & tug happening here.
A part of me wants to be on FB so 'i don't miss out' on things going on with my friends & family.
Yet, there is another part of me that wants to protect my heart & mind so that I don't allow my emotions to be thrown around at what feels like a whim.
Then I realized one day, just like that, I want the later MORE.
As I really don't like to say that, "nothing is in our control,"
the truth is that :
I can CHOOSE to protect my heart.
I can CHOOSE to love on my child, my family & self every single day.
I can CHOOSE to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, person that I can be.
I can CHOOSE to fill myself & my family up with healthy, nurturing food & positive thoughts.
I can CHOOSE to trust in our amazing God & do my best to let go of any worries.
I can CHOOSE to let go of my want for control & allow myself to be at peace with the 'out of control'...
I can CHOOSE to be present.
Because in the end (& in light of this season upon us),
I am once again reminded that today is indeed a gift.
A most precious, undeniable GIFT!
One that I CHOOSE to be living FULLY,
Rather than consumed in behind a screen of random negativity.

During my 30 day FB break, I noticed I felt more FREE.

...and the truth is I haven't really wanted to go back. I didn't miss it. Not even on day one!
There seems to be a pattern where I can't go more than 3 scrolls down before I see something that is either upsetting/sad/disheartening/shocking camouflaged in between all the GOOD. Yet it seems that the BAD somehow strikes more -- or at least if I allow it, too. And don't let me even start with the election -- I literally just couldn't go on FB for weeks. It was/is all just TOO MUCH.
So here's the deal. Here's why I feel "OUT OF CONTROL" --- there is a pull & tug happening here.
A part of me wants to be on FB so 'i don't miss out' on things going on with my friends & family.
Yet, there is another part of me that wants to protect my heart & mind so that I don't allow my emotions to be thrown around at what feels like a whim.
Then I realized one day, just like that, I want the later MORE.

As I really don't like to say that, "nothing is in our control,"
the truth is that :
I can CHOOSE to protect my heart.
I can CHOOSE to love on my child, my family & self every single day.
I can CHOOSE to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, person that I can be.
I can CHOOSE to fill myself & my family up with healthy, nurturing food & positive thoughts.
I can CHOOSE to trust in our amazing God & do my best to let go of any worries.
I can CHOOSE to let go of my want for control & allow myself to be at peace with the 'out of control'...
I can CHOOSE to be present.
Because in the end (& in light of this season upon us),
I am once again reminded that today is indeed a gift.

A most precious, undeniable GIFT!
One that I CHOOSE to be living FULLY,
Rather than consumed in behind a screen of random negativity.

You may not relate to this post at all,
or you may have the ability to NOT be affected by all that I mentioned above (if so, please let me know your secrets!).
However, that is simply not the case for me and if you do relate, then I hope you find some light & inspiration in this post.
If are looking for me on FB these days,
I will still be posting on my FB business page but otherwise, you won't really see me much on there. From time to time, I may CHOOSE to visit just your specific page to see what you are up to, but my scrolling days are over. I just can't do it anymore, so I am choosing not to. It's as simple as that.
I will still be on INSTAGRAM, as well, as I find that platform to be the most positive one to date.
aaaand of course, you can always find me here on this good ol' blog of mine.
I have some new things in the works that I am super excited to share with you all and,
as this post helped me 're-sharpen my pencil' or so to speak
,
I am hoping to get back to my writing days again in the new year.
In the end,
I am choosing to be 'in control' of what I place within my heart, mind & soul,
so that I can embrace and fully TRUST
the rest that is not in my control.
I hope this finds you having an 'out of control' week FULL of great PEACE of mind!
much love friends,
xo
ksen
Back to all postsor you may have the ability to NOT be affected by all that I mentioned above (if so, please let me know your secrets!).
However, that is simply not the case for me and if you do relate, then I hope you find some light & inspiration in this post.

If are looking for me on FB these days,
I will still be posting on my FB business page but otherwise, you won't really see me much on there. From time to time, I may CHOOSE to visit just your specific page to see what you are up to, but my scrolling days are over. I just can't do it anymore, so I am choosing not to. It's as simple as that.
I will still be on INSTAGRAM, as well, as I find that platform to be the most positive one to date.


I have some new things in the works that I am super excited to share with you all and,
as this post helped me 're-sharpen my pencil' or so to speak

I am hoping to get back to my writing days again in the new year.
In the end,
I am choosing to be 'in control' of what I place within my heart, mind & soul,
so that I can embrace and fully TRUST
the rest that is not in my control.

I hope this finds you having an 'out of control' week FULL of great PEACE of mind!
much love friends,
xo
ksen