Alive
i don't know what it is exactly,
but somehow i feel different.
i feel a sense of calmness that i have never felt before.
a knowing that all will be okay... but TRULY believing it.
that what i look like,
or how much i weigh,
or what others think does not matter -
it is your LIGHT & your LOVE that do.
...and that genuine real beautiful LOVE, really does conquer all. 
at church this past Sunday they asked the question
"what does it mean to be FULLY alive?"
it really made me think.
i haven't even been back home a week now & i find myself feeling almost a little 'lost' for lack of a better word.
when i was in Africa, especially near the end of our trip,
i found myself wondering what it would feel like to take a warm shower inside my already warm home...
& not be afraid of the water running out.
i dreamt of sharing a Greek Island Special or Inn Season salad with my husband & a large ice cold glass of water.
i wondered how it would feel to be back in my comfy bed...
with no mosquito netting tucked in all around me & fear of what insect may decide to join me for a snooze.
but even after all these 'thoughts' came to fruition, they did not give me the sense of peace i thought i would feel.
& although soothing,
they definitely didn't make me feel
ALIVE.
even though my experience in Kenya was by far one of the hardest trips i have done to date,
the irony is that being there i felt so alive. i can see & feel that so clearly, especially now.
but how is that possible?
how is it possible that in the midst of the complete unknown,
NO cellular service, NO electricity, NO paved roads, NO clean anything...
that i could feel SO alive?
as i have been asking myself this, i realized that God had been sending me signs all along.
somehow... i am not surprised.
i saw Him in the early morning sunrise in Chemolingot, the first orphanage that we visited.
but somehow i feel different.
i feel a sense of calmness that i have never felt before.
a knowing that all will be okay... but TRULY believing it.
that what i look like,
or how much i weigh,
or what others think does not matter -
it is your LIGHT & your LOVE that do.
at church this past Sunday they asked the question
"what does it mean to be FULLY alive?"
i haven't even been back home a week now & i find myself feeling almost a little 'lost' for lack of a better word.
when i was in Africa, especially near the end of our trip,
i found myself wondering what it would feel like to take a warm shower inside my already warm home...
& not be afraid of the water running out.
i dreamt of sharing a Greek Island Special or Inn Season salad with my husband & a large ice cold glass of water.
i wondered how it would feel to be back in my comfy bed...
with no mosquito netting tucked in all around me & fear of what insect may decide to join me for a snooze.
but even after all these 'thoughts' came to fruition, they did not give me the sense of peace i thought i would feel.
& although soothing,
they definitely didn't make me feel
ALIVE.
even though my experience in Kenya was by far one of the hardest trips i have done to date,
the irony is that being there i felt so alive. i can see & feel that so clearly, especially now.
but how is that possible?
how is it possible that in the midst of the complete unknown,
NO cellular service, NO electricity, NO paved roads, NO clean anything...
that i could feel SO alive?
as i have been asking myself this, i realized that God had been sending me signs all along.
somehow... i am not surprised.
i saw Him in the early morning sunrise in Chemolingot, the first orphanage that we visited.
i saw Him in the ground i stood on.
these 'sticks' literally stopped me in my tracks... talk about awakening my soul.
& i feel the best, most real, honest way to do so is to share my journal entries with you all.
stay tuned for that... & in the mean time,
i hope this finds you all feeling ALIVE,
leading with LOVE
& paying attention to all the 'signs' that come your way.
with love & gratitude,
ksen