out of control


  Wednesday, 12.14.16


Lately I have been feeling 'OUT OF CONTROL', but not in the way you may think.

As a mother, I realized pretty quickly, instantly actually, how I never knew WORRY until I became a mother. Combine that with the newness of motherhood, being over-tired & hormonally emotional for at least 9 months... & needless to say, one can easily feel "out of control" in a way, right?

However, the 'out of control' I am speaking of is a little different than that. So far so much about motherhood, even when we were on the journey of getting pregnant, has been a constant reminder that 'nothing is in my control'. Then we were blessed beyond measure with our precious baby boy, and the irony was that all I wanted is CONTROL!!! The Mama Bear in me came out a thousand-times fold.

On top of that, I grew increasingly sensitive to media & hearing sad stories literally would leave me engulfed in tears in a nano-second. It was like my heart grew to an indescribable length when our son entered our world, that it also left itself SO open that it became a bit too vulnerable to the world. I started realizing how much Facebook was affecting me when the posts weren't positive, happy or inspiring, & I didn't like how quickly an internet platform could alter my mood in the most drastic of ways in mere seconds at times.

I ended up giving Facebook a 30 day break and it was FANTASTIC! I actually went over the initial "30 days" without even realizing it. I would only post on my FB business page where I could protect myself from viewing something I didn't want to see, yet still allow my heart to share what it wanted to both professionally & personally.

During my 30 day FB break, I noticed I felt more FREE. I spent less time in front of a screen & more in nature. I felt clear & refreshed. I didn't compare myself as a mother, a friend... a human being! I worried less & felt calmer.

...and the truth is I haven't really wanted to go back. I didn't miss it. Not even on day one!
There seems to be a pattern where I can't go more than 3 scrolls down before I see something that is either upsetting/sad/disheartening/shocking camouflaged in between all the GOOD. Yet it seems that the BAD somehow strikes more -- or at least if I allow it, too. And don't let me even start with the election -- I literally just couldn't go on FB for weeks. It was/is all just TOO MUCH.

So here's the deal. Here's why I feel "OUT OF CONTROL" --- there is a pull & tug happening here.
A part of me wants to be on FB so 'i don't miss out' on things going on with my friends & family.
Yet, there is another part of me that wants to protect my heart & mind so that I don't allow my emotions to be thrown around at what feels like a whim.

Then I realized one day, just like that, I want the later MORE.

As I really don't like to say that, "nothing is in our control,"
the truth is that :

I can CHOOSE to protect my heart.
I can CHOOSE to love on my child, my family & self every single day.
I can CHOOSE to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, person that I can be.
I can CHOOSE to fill myself & my family up with healthy, nurturing food & positive thoughts.
I can CHOOSE to trust in our amazing God & do my best to let go of any worries.
I can CHOOSE to let go of my want for control & allow myself to be at peace with the 'out of control'...
I can CHOOSE to be present.


Because in the end (& in light of this season upon us),
I am once again reminded that today is indeed a gift.
A most precious, undeniable GIFT!
One that I CHOOSE to be living FULLY,
Rather than consumed in behind a screen of random negativity.

You may not relate to this post at all,
or you may have the ability to NOT be affected by all that I mentioned above (if so, please let me know your secrets!).
However, that is simply not the case for me and if you do relate, then I hope you find some light & inspiration in this post.

If are looking for me on FB these days,
I will still be posting on my FB business page but otherwise, you won't really see me much on there. From time to time, I may CHOOSE to visit just your specific page to see what you are up to, but my scrolling days are over. I just can't do it anymore, so I am choosing not to. It's as simple as that.

I will still be on INSTAGRAM, as well, as I find that platform to be the most positive one to date.

aaaand of course, you can always find me here on this good ol' blog of mine.
I have some new things in the works that I am super excited to share with you all and,
as this post helped me 're-sharpen my pencil' or so to speak ,
I am hoping to get back to my writing days again in the new year.

In the end,
I am choosing to be 'in control' of what I place within my heart, mind & soul,
so that I can embrace and fully TRUST
the rest that is not in my control.


I hope this finds you having an 'out of control' week FULL of great PEACE of mind!
much love friends,
xo
ksen
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