TRUST THE PROCESS


  Thursday, 2.6.20


Grief is interesting. It makes you cling on to anything & everything that your loved one left behind in hopes of, in a way, holding onto their 'physical' essence for as long as possible.

Shortly after my father passed, we sold our Jeep so that we could buy his Fusion. When my father got sick, one of the first things he wanted to take care of was selling his car. At first, we thought we would buy it, but after driving it a lot in the summer (to be able to get my Dad in & out of the car easily since the Jeep was too high for him), I just wasn't sure it was the right fit. Plus, I LOVED my Jeep of almost 10 years. Purchasing my Wrangler was a BIG deal back when -- a defining moment in my life. I was so nervous I would struggle to make my monthly payments, but kept feeling this nudge that 'it was time.' It might sound silly, but buying that Jeep allowed me to prove to myself that I can do A N Y T H I N G I put my mind to. I never missed a payment & ended up not only paying it off, but doing so in half the time I thought I could do it. Yes, it's JUST a car, & I am so not a material person, but buying it was much MORE than that to me & my young adulthood.

But then, September came & my father entered his final chapter on Earth. When we knew that his time was coming to an end, I told my husband, "I think we should sell the Jeep. Let's buy my Dad's car... I can't imagine someone else driving it."

Unfortunately, my Dad never lived to see us buy his car, but we were able to tell him that we would do so. It's all very bittersweet and if I'm being honest, the only thing I like about his car is the fact that it was his and that we got to fulfill one of his last wishes. It's not comfortable for me to drive in, the low bucket-shaped seats hurt my back and there are times I find myself driving it missing the Jeep.

BUT, that's when I'm also reminded that trusting God's whispers & nudges might not always lead to something more comfortable, but will ALWAYS lead to something BETTER... maybe even as simple as hearing your kids call it "Dedo's car" every single day. You just have to TRUST the process.

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