Thursday, 7.23.20

#100daysoflivingAWAKE day 9. The beginning of July last year was when everything started happening with my Dad's health & we entered, what we didn't know would be, his last 3 months of life. Not surprisingly, when July hit this year, so did a bandwagon of emotions. I felt the need to cocoon -- to really pause, look within, be still, listen, learn, read, etc. Lately, it feels like I am being replanted in a way & it's a very strange place for me to be. Ever since I began blogging & showing up on social media well over a decade ago, I have always said that I will never post "just to post", it has to come from my heart. While that is still rings true, what I am discovering is that sometimes it's easier to hide IN the emotion rather than be real & just let it out. This can create a false picture, which is the opposite of my intention.

#100daysoflivingAWAKE is pushing me to showcase ALL of the parts that make me, well... me. Love it or leave it, it's all good. If I am teaching my kids that God created us unique & beautiful just as we are, then I have to really believe that myself first, right? What I continue to learn is that the more we choose to LEAN IN -- to ourselves, to a good friend, to a therapist, to God, to _____'you fill in the blank with whatever resonates with you'____, the more we shed what no longer serves us & grow into who were were always meant to be.

In "Chasing Vines", by Beth Moore, she writes how "authentic connection cannot exist apart from vulnerability." My hope is to always show up here vulnerable, open & sharing what is placed upon my heart. And in turn, I thank you who have done the same for me.

It feels like we are all in a season where we are being planted anew & it can be both exciting, as well as totally overwhelming. Personally, I am pushing into it because I know in my bones that only good things come when we choose to lean in.

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