inner whimsy : self portrait september


  Thursday, 10.31.13


a week or so ago i began Brene Brown's online lifeclass through Oprah.com called The Gifts of Imperfection -- just reading the title of the class & her book and i was hooked.

although taking on one more thing right now seems a bit crazy, i have been craving this type of self-exploration & knew if i didn't make the time, it wouldn't happen naturally. isn't that the truth?!

& why is it always so hard to make time for OURSELVES? and then when we do, why is there usually guilt involved with it?

maybe i speak for myself with the above, but as soon as i gently cracked 'opened this door', i feel like so many other doors have opened. & don't get me wrong, i am still just barely starting, but i can literally feel it happening.

i also can't say that this 'process' has been easy. it's not. it brings out many vulnerabilities & is helping me dig deep into areas i feel fear going into.

however, i keep hearing Brene's quote in the back of my head,

"Owning our story
and loving ourselves through the process
is the bravest thing that we will ever do."

...and of course, as you know with my i want to know YOUR story project,
i am forever curious of people's stories & whole-heartedly believe that OUR stories are our greatest connecters -
not to mention incredibly healing within & for all.

Brene's quote also reminds me that I want to be the BEST me i can be.
i am broken, i am imperfect, i have had things in my past that have hardened my heart,
but i CHOOSE to own it all...
& to lead with
LOVE,
KINDNESS,
& LIGHT.


then the other night in yoga we were asked to let our 'inner whimsy' out to play.
to be free & without judgement. to be childlike again...
& i began to imagine what that is like,,,
to let go of deadlines & 'grown up' worries & upsetting news that seems to creep into our daily 'feeds' whether we like it or not.

what would my 'inner whimsy' look like?
better yet, what IS my 'inner whimsy'?

as i breathed my way through yoga, letting all the stress of the day out, it came to me so easily --
my 'inner whimsy' is the purest part of me.

it's the Ksenija that did cartwheels around her home throughout her entire childhood.
the Ksenija that would lip-sync 'Eternal Flame' by the Bangles with her cousin Olgica while dressed in full-out 80's extravaganza.
the Ksenija that would draw for hours & let go of the need for perfection.
the Ksenija that would wear super bright orange bell bottoms, with her hair twisted up on top of her head in a million little buns, smile painted across her face.
the Ksenija that would have dance parties in her bedroom when her Mom said it was "quiet reading & relaxing time".
the Ksenija that believed, without a shadow of a doubt, she would one day have a farm & save hundreds of animals on it.

the list goes on, as it does for all of us.
we ALL have that special 'something(s)' that make us, US.
our 'inner whimsy' is a beautiful, beautyFULL thing.
it's the part that makes our hearts skip-a-beat.
the part that makes us feel young & free.
the part that makes us feel we have a pocket full of magic pixie dust, & that's perfectly enough.

today, my 'inner whimsy' is a bit more subdued... but it is my hope to slowly but surely let more & more of it out.
for me, yes, but also for all those it may affect for the better.

because truth is,
the only way we can truly shine is if we allow ourselves to let it ALL out.
to OWN our story, whatever it may be, & to allow ourselves to LOVE ourselves throughout the process.
to be honest & gentle with ourselves.

we are all SO much more connected then we will ever realize... but there is no time better then the present to start.


without further ado,
my september self portrait :
' inner whimsy '

with love & gratitude,
always,

ksen

ps. happy happy halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
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