breathing through it

  Thursday, 5.5.11

inhale...exhale...namaste...mind over matter aaaaAAaaaAAH ! i hear you mind, just give me a second! sometimes i feel like all my "relaxation techniques" turn on me, and instead 'inhale, exhale' sounds like "am i breathing???!!! i don't know, are you????? aaaaAA i don't think i am now!!! oh my gosh i'm...not...BREATHING!!!"

i've always been a little bit of a nervous person, a rule breaker i was not but on the other hand, very out going and adventurous. my nervousness in earlier years was more of a best friend with adrenalin, rather than anxiety.

now i feel like my nervousness and adrenalin have had some sort of ENORMOUS falling out!! so much so, that my sweet sweet adrenalin rush has turned horribly against me. and left its CraZY cousin anxiety in its place to loom and watch over nervousness. like nervousness owes adrenalin money or something...

geez i'll pay YOU

I feel like the falling out came out of the blue...and when i finally stopped ignoring that the face of my nerves had changed... i decided to do something about it...

and anxiety wasn't welcome here!!!!! NOPE

i started talking about it even though that made me more anxious, and the cycle just keep going round and round like a bad carnival ride, after bad carnival food. i felt like by concentrating on the "thing" i would be in total control, but instead it made me more out of control AAAaaaaaa. however, the more i talked about it, the more i found there were WHOLE PACKS of people who offered up their stories of bad relationship, after bad relationship, with anxiety.

he/she had to GO! kindly of course

yoga, meditation, things i couldn't pronounce, exercise i started diving in to kick (she, who will no longer be named) OUT ...

and soon i realized that relaxing into the unknown (anxiety, fear, excitement, change...fill in the blank) is not giving up or giving in... it's living ...once in a yoga class i had a teacher say:

" you are going to face difficult times. situations where you don't think you can get through, but you can... just breathe through them..."

which is funny, because she was basically saying just BE... because physiologically speaking...


still now there are times like the 1st paragraph of this blog

still now i'm here and sometimes so is she

but i just breathe through it

here's to finding your breath

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