BELIEVE.

there is SO much meaning behind this word to me.

what is it to you?

there are many things i believe in, but one that keeps ringing in my ears even more so than ever is
the possibility of what we can individually do, both small & big, to better this world we live in,
to better the lives of others...
to truly BETTER life in general.

i think sometimes it is all too easy, especially in this digital world of ours, to be distracted or even discouraged,
that you CAN'T make a difference.

but YOU CAN. in our gut, i think we all know this.

as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said,
"What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us."

you don't have to go halfway across the world to make a difference
( although go for it, if that is what your heart is telling you! )...

all you have to do is lead with LOVE.
do what is upon your heart.

i am still waking up
to the reality of being back home after my incredible journey throughout Kenya for No Child.
although technically i probably have some jet lag, as well,
this is not what i am talking about.

this is different.

it is hard to put into words other than it feels completely surreal to be home. i remember feeling similarly when i returned from Ethiopia...but this is still much different. i know i need time to process it all &, unlike my travels to Ethiopia, i feel SO ready & eager to begin to do so.

but before i even begin,,, i felt called today to share my march self portrait... & yes, i am aware that it is technically April (that self portrait will come) but i was in Africa in March with no internet service, so March it will be!

near the end of our trip, we were asked
'if you only had one minute to explain our trip to someone, what would you say?'

& i immediately wrote down,

"Incredible. Life changing. Awakened.
...there is no way to describe it in just one minute."

however, if i have to begin it one minute at a time, then that is what it will have to be.

without further ado,
my march self portrait :
'awakened'
...by the silly faces, giggles, laughter, energy & most of all
by the LOVE of these absolutely beautyFULL Pokot faces.

although i am still not 'officially back' to work until Monday, April 8th,
in order to hopefully give me some time to transition back into the groove of things,
i had to share a snippet of what my heart is feeling today.

i hope it made you smile.
i cannot wait to share more images & stories... i hope they warm your heart as they have mine.

with love, grace & gratitude,


ksen

on september 20, 2012

i wrote :

i seem to have somehow lost my ability to cry...
& I'm not exactly sure when nor why this has happened.
usually i'm the person that cries at every movie (even cartoons), commercials, random animal rescue FB posts, weddings, handwritten cards & most of all anything remotely related to my loved ones.

yet on my own wedding day, nothing. well, okay maaaybe a little tear up here or there, but no where near the normal Ksenija CRY. i think my smile was permanently molded on my face that day. i honestly don't remember it unwinding.

now let me clarify this 'lost ability' a teeny bit. the last time i remember having a good, from the gut, CRY was july 22nd- when my mother & sister threw me a bridal shower. i received an amazing scrapbook made by my talented 9 year old niece Alex, & just as i felt my knees starting to tremble, i TOTALLY & UTTERLY LOST IT. i felt such tremendous love at that moment it was beautifully overwhelming.

but... some time between then & now, i seemed to have lost my ability to cry. how is this possible?

& i miss it. you see, i LOVE crying. i love the emotional release, i even love capturing it when it happens to others. i love the realness of it. call me crazy, but for as much as i LOVE smiling, i love crying & letting it ALL out.

as i sit here on our honeymoon with my husband, in 89 degree sunshiny breezy goodness of weather (*sigh*), i still have no clue when or where those tears have gone?! but i have faith that I will somehow regain my 'ability' when the time is right.

because you see,,, just like any good 'art', you have to TRUST above all else that all is meant to be & WILL be as it should, when it should.

that all emotion is good, whether you understand it or not.
to FEEL something, anything, is better than to have never felt at all.